What more can I say? WELCOME TO ASSHOLEVILLE!
A lot of you have been up on my Assholeville blogs (on myspace) for years now...
But it's a new dawn... and it's a new day. I'M BACK BITCHES and here to fuck up the blog world!
I'm gonna try to update this shit, as much as possible. Actually... WAY more than I did on myspace.
I'm definitely trying to interact more with you Assholevillains out there, so if you have any ideas, or shit that you think I should address... don't be shy. Hit me up!
I have a big post planned for early next week. I have to take pictures for it this weekend, so this "intro blog" is gonna be light.
First thing I have been DYING to address is...
The Super Bowl Half Time Show...
featuring none other than The Boss : Bruce Springsteen.
Oh my fuckin god... where do I start?
First off... I FUCKIN HATEEEEEEEE Bruce Springsteen!
This is just one of those things in life I will never understand.
I'd like to buy a helicopter somehow (or rent one... this economy is too fucked up to go buying helicopters)... and impale Bruce Springsteen through the chest, on ONE of the blades... and then impale Bryan Adams through the blade directly parallel to Bruce Springsteen's... put some sort of stopper device on the end of the blade to prevent them from flying off once the helicopter is started, and centrifugal force kicks in... then turn on some sort of sound system with "Born in the USA playing" and flip that helicopter motor on full speed.
Yeah... that's how much I hate that shit.
Anyway.... back to the Superbowl Half Time Show.
Who was in charge of booking old ass Bruce Springsteen? Did Mickey Rourke have something to do with this?
All I can imagine is a board room full of sarcastic, bitter 30 something's, going...
"How fuckin' funny would it be, if we booked BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN"
Just then their boss (in his late 50's) walks in, and says "Woah, great idea! Make it happen."
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN IS NOT ON ANYONE'S RADAR!!!
Even if you got some hill billy ass commercial hick country star, it would make more sense.
And did this muthafucker SERIOUSLY slide across the stage, CROTCH FIRST in to the camera?
I was SOOO uncomfortable watching him, painfully try to maneuver from the stage, to leaping on the piano, to doing air-kicks, to spinning around his guitar... with the endurance of a grand parent attempting to keep up with their grand kids.
I half expected him to bend over a little with his hand on his knee, chest heaving and put up one finger like ... "hold up......... gimme one sec.... hold on... i'm ok".
And some advice to his guitar player, Steve Van Zandt (who plays Silvio Dante on The Sopranos)....
You might wanna take home some of the wardrobe from the Soprano's set...
Cuz the Zorro look, is NOT workin' homie!
FUCK YOU BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN! I've been your BIGGEST hater, since my childhood.
My homie B-Real (of Cypress Hill) challenged Juelz Santanna (of Dipset) to a smoke off! ... see who can smoke the most weed. Obviously the winner of this would be, B-Real... I'm pretty sure Cypress Hill invented weed. But you guys should make things interesting, and throw Michael Phelps in the mix! Apparently this muthafucker STAYS burnin'... and he's got the conditioned lungs of an Olympic gold medalist swimmer. That would make shit interesting.
I'LL BE BACK NEXT WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Next topic................... RACISM, and STEREOTYPES!!!!!!!!! Be sure not to miss this one.